It’s About Time I Get It Together

For the last several months to upwards of a year, I’ve been in a constant battle with myself. I’ve been fighting becoming the woman that I know that God intended me to be, and the woman I know that I need to be. 

I’ve fallen back into unhealthy, toxic old patterns of behavior. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you might have an idea that I’ve been known to be the life of the party, and that I try not to take life so seriously. Which, I believe, in moderation can be okay. But I’ve taken those behaviors to whole new extremes lately. I’ve tended to have a little too much fun when I’m out with my friends, I’ve been neglecting responsibility, and I’ve been overall making not the best decisions for the long run. 

I’ve been choosing immediate gratification as opposed to thoroughly & thoughtfully weighing out the pros & the consequences of my actions. In that, I’ve kind of lost sight of my authentic self. 

I haven’t been seeing the bigger picture. 

Although it’s definitely good to let loose every once in a while and allow yourself to have a good time, it’s important to keep yourself grounded throughout those times. I’ve been so caught up in failed attempts at avoiding the realties that are happening around me, that I’m digging myself a bigger hole. 

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.” 

I don’t know about you, but when I’m in these seasons, it takes some serious afflictions before I’m able to realize that I’M the problem. If you see the same issues arising in different aspects of your life, odds are, you might be missing the bigger picture that God is trying to teach you through this season. Maybe in the last year, you’ve made the same mistake, multiple times and you wind up hurting yourself & screwing yourself over as a result more and more each time. 

“Why is this happening to me again?” 

Because you didn’t learn the lesson the first, or the third, or the seventh time around, sweetheart! You keep seeing the same guy and he keeps telling you or acting like ‘this time will be different’? Girl, he is ly-ing. You keep winding up in the same financial predicament because you continue to fail to follow through on your budget? Girl, learn some discipline! You want that dream job, but keep scrolling through Facebook at work? Get it together! 

And believe me when I say that I’m not coming at you with any sort of judgement. We’ve all been through these seasons of life, and there are plenty of us that are currently in that kind of season. One thing to remind yourself when you’re in one of those self-sabotaging ebbs of life, is that life is alll about ebbs and flows. 

And when you keep getting thrown the same ebbs over and over and over again, ask yourself what lesson God might be trying to teach you. Maybe it’s strength, discipline, patience, faith. Maybe you need to build a more firm foundation with God.... No matter what it may be for your situation, try to really pay attention to the recurring, and potentially unresolved issues that you’re facing in these seasons of ebbs. 

Work with yourself, be forgiving of yourself, be graceful towards yourself, and remember that your mistakes don’t define you. They don’t have to shape you into a negative version of yourself. Let your mistakes make you wiser, help you grow, and become stronger. Try to remember that you can forgive yourself. You can learn to trust yourself again to not make those same mistakes, and that you can grow from these dark seasons.

And most importantly, know that you’re never alone. 💗