Stop Viewing Your Goals As If They're Optional

With the new year quickly approaching, I wanted to take some extra time this week to emphasize the importance of goal-setting. In life we’re all, in one way or another, constantly striving to become better versions of ourselves. Being able to attain this ideal image of ourselves can be achieved by setting goals & implementing specific strategies in order to help you get there. But sometimes, we let distractions and excuses drive us away from that. What we don’t realize when we allow these distractions or excuses get in our way, is that we’re holding ourselves back from potentially being the happiest we’ve ever been.

But what is it that makes us feel so good about accomplishing goals we’ve set for ourselves? It’s kind of like when you have a detailed to-do list, and one by one you begin marking things off. It makes you feel like you’ve got a purpose, ambition, and it even gives us affirmation that we are capable. Essentially, that’s why I think that goal setting is so important. If you’ve never heard of Abraham Maslow, he’s one of the most fundamental psychologists who proposed the idea of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This diagram basically shows, in tiers, what elements are needed in order to become our optimal selves. At the base of the diagram is physiological needs, followed by safety needs, then the feeling of belonging & being loved, followed by esteem, and then lastly, self-actualization. Self-actualization can be summed up as becoming one’s highest self -- reaching their full potential. Between here and esteem is where I believe people truly thrive.

When’s the last time that you were the happiest you’ve ever been, as a result of you? By this, I mean - not the day your kids were born, not the day you married the love of your life… But when was the last time that you felt so proud & accomplished with yourself that it made you notably happier? I asked five of my closest, most respected, and highly thought of people in my life and I noticed one common theme: feeling accomplished as a result of goal setting.

• My aunt told me that the last time she felt her happiest was when she took a stained glass class. In her text response, she mentioned “I felt accomplished - I was successful and what I created turned out to be so beautiful. It is something I’ve wanted to pursue for a long time, so I made the appointment, and just did it. By myself no less.”

• My best friend told me that she made it not just a goal, but a priority, to tend to herself and her relationship with God more. She prioritized putting her own needs first more often than she would put thought into other people before herself. She said that she’s made it a goal to start seeking & cutting out negative or toxic traits that she sees within herself and within other people. As a result of this goal setting & implementation, she said that this is the happiest and most content that she’s ever been in her life.

• My cousin told me that she was the happiest she’s ever been, the last time she felt accomplished with how far she’d come in her weight loss journey. She said that she had worked so hard to get to where she was, that she felt completely overcome with happiness because she had achieved a goal that she’d set for herself.

• Another really close friend of mine, who has gone through hell and back within the past year as a result of a divorce, said that she felt the happiest she’s ever been with how much she’s grown mentally since then. She had, like my best friend, made herself & her happiness a priority. My friend told me that when she sat down and reflected on how much she’s overcome & accomplished within the past year, she was overwhelmed with happiness.

• I have another friend who I asked this same question to, said that she felt the happiest when she set a goal to get the job that she's currently in, and she finally got an offer. She said that she was "extremely happy, and happy with herself because she put the work in for it" and it all paid off. I remember this friend talking about this potential job opportunity for several months prior to her ever getting the offer! It's always an accomplishment to achieve something that you've had in your mind for such a long time. 

The common theme within all of these answers is that when these people put themselves & their own goals, dreams, and priorities first, they literally said that they were the happiest they’ve ever been.

Especially in today’s world, it’s easy to overlook yourself. We’re constantly hyper-focused on what the next person might think of us, on whether that boy or girl likes us or not, on what our boss thinks of us, etc… But, when we stop to focus on ourselves - on bettering ourselves, becoming stronger, wiser, and more self-sufficient versions of ourselves - we will begin to reach the self-actualization that Maslow suggested is the optimal way of living, and we will prosper.

So stop focusing on what other people can do for you. Stop focusing on how getting back in the gym will make that guy or that girl like you or validate you. As I mentioned in my last blog, stop focusing on how sacrificing your comfort for your goals will inconvenience you in the ‘now’, and start focusing on what all you can do for yourself. Start becoming more mindful of what distractions or excuses you’re allowing to stand in your own way. Start focusing on how much you have to offer for yourself. Start focusing on what you’d have to lose, if you continue viewing your goals as if they’re optional.

What will you lose if you’re seeing your goals as if they’re optional?

 → Happiness

 → Pride

 → Self-Actualization

 → Reaching your fullest potential

 → Purpose

 → Fulfillment

  

The next time you start noticing that you’re allowing yourself to get in your own way of being the happiest you could be, remember all of the things you’re holding yourself back from.