Welcoming Judgment

“At 20, I used to care about what other people thought. When I was 40, I stopped caring about what other people thought. When I turned 60, I realized nobody was thinking of me in the first place.” —Winston Churchill 

In our society, we all crave validation and approval of our peers, colleagues, and our families. We fear only getting 10 likes on a picture, so we spend hours or days editing our photos to perfection or coming up with the perfect caption. We fear looking or sounding stupid so we hold back on showing others who we really are. We live in fear that other people will see us fail, so we don’t even try to pursue that thing we’ve always wanted. 

Our society is anxious as ever, and while social media is a major contributing factor in that, I don’t think that’s the end-all-be-all. 

Our anxiety is, in part, caused by a tremendous fear of being judged. 

We fear not looking, acting or being perfect.  We expend so much of our energies on portraying a flawless persona, that we leave little room for ourselves to actually just be. 

I can’t lie and say that I haven’t fallen victim to this fear several times in the past. To be honest, I’ve spent a good majority of the past several years hiding in my own shadows so that people wouldn’t actually know who I am as a person.

I’ve always stayed quiet when I knew I had something to add to the conversation, or I wouldn’t post a picture that I actually really liked just because I thought the lighting was bad or because I didn’t think it would get enough likes. I’m not throwing shade on anyone — because I know that in this society, too, we also have ample opportunities to make money off social media, and with our society being highly visually-oriented, this sometimes has to be how certain people live their life.

But I’m just a normal person, acting like I had to maintain this picture-perfect image. Not because my income necessitated that, but because I was massively afraid that people would find out that I’m hugely imperfect. 

I have always (and probably always will) cuss like a sailor. I love to eat and let’s just say I’m not the prettiest while eating! Although I hate my laugh and my smile, I love to laugh, and I laugh at literally everything. I hate small talk, so when I get the chance to talk with someone, it’s almost never about the weather or about the latest news. I love to have deep conversations with people. I’ve always been hugely embarrassed about all of these things that make me, me.

But this is me. 

When I lost my dad, I had an epiphany. 

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. 

(Again, another cliche but it’s so true.)

My dad died one day shy of his 53rd birthday. My cousin died when she was 14. It doesn’t matter how old you are, the point is: don’t waste your life living in fear.  

When I shifted my mentality of other people’s judgment, I started welcoming it. I started wanting to prove people wrong. Even if these were false narratives that I was creating in my own mind, I wanted to prove myself wrong. And it has been hugely rewarding and liberating to be able to look one of my biggest demons right in its face and fight back. I don’t want to be scared of what other people think anymore. OK... of course I’m SCARED of what people might think. But hell, I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m going to set goals for myself that scare me so that when I accomplish them, I’m able to look back and say “damn, Lo, you jumped that hurdle” and use that to fearlessly say ‘screw it, just do it’ again in the future.

People will almost always have something to say. Whether it’s to your face or behind your back, words will always be spoken. But why should that matter? Welcome their words. Take them as kindness, but don’t take them into consideration. You can respect someone else’s opinion without accepting their judgment. 

Remember that this is YOUR life. Don’t miss out on anything you might regret... So do what what they doubted you could do. Do what they’re judging you for. Because this is your happiness on the line. Screw what they think... Be confident, be bold, and give yourself (and them) grace. Remember that when they start to judge, that they have their right to their opinions. Openly welcome their judgment and remember that you also have the right to say ‘screw you’ and do it and prove them wrong anyways.